A Manly Heart-to-Heart

"Lance!" Art greeted his best friend, "I haven't seen you in years! Literally. What the hell have you been doing?"
"Well," said Lance, "I slew a dragon."
"Slaying dragons is good."
"And then I had this thing going with this girl Elaine, which was great and all, until she got pregnant. Which might not have been such a huge problem, if it weren't that I didn't like her all that much in the first place."
"Man, that's rough," said Art.
"Yeah, and to make it worse, after she has the baby she kills herself. By floating in a boat. And I feel even more guilty now that I was only with her because she reminded me of my true love, who is unattainable."
"Aw, Lance, don't give me that. You could get any lady you wanted. You're the only Frenchman here, for chrissakes."
"No, not this one. This love is shameful."
"Lance, you know you can tell me anything. Who is this lady?"
"It's your wife."

Your Arthurian-legend-in-context for the day.